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The technical geek test

September 3, 2010 – 08:36

Are you a technical geek?

Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.

You know you are a technical geek when . . .

When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply “Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!”

When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.

When you are counting objects “0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D…”.

When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a “mega-nap”.

When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, “You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor.”

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.

When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.

When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.

When you call “*.*” star-dot-star.

When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.

When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, “No, dear, it’s ‘Apple Macintosh’.”

When your wife says “If you don’t turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!”, and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

By Joker | Posted in Computer Jokes | Tagged geek, technical | Comments (0)

Question and answer blond jokes

September 3, 2010 – 07:56

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: “Thanks for the refill!”

By Joker | Posted in Blonde Jokes | Tagged blonde, jokes, question and answer | Comments (0)


Dogs and Light Bulbs

September 2, 2010 – 09:38

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I’m not afraid of the dark…

Doberman: While it’s out, I’ll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs — people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

By Joker | Posted in Animal Jokes | Tagged dogs, light bulb | Comments (0)

A Drinking Problem

September 2, 2010 – 08:53

I have got a drinking problem….

I’ve got two hands, but only one mouth…

By Joker | Posted in Bar Jokes | Tagged drinking, hands, mouth, problem | Comments (0)

Religious One-Liners

September 1, 2010 – 08:25

Bumper Sticker:

If all else fails

read the instructions

(The Bible)


Bumper Sticker:

Prepare for your FINALS

Read the Bible


Clara: My pastor is so good he can talk on any subject for an hour.

Sarah: That’s nothing! My pastor can talk for an hour without a subject!


At an atheist funeral: Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and nowhere to go.

By Joker | Posted in Religious Jokes | Tagged bible, pastor, religious | Comments (0)

Yo Mama is so ugly..

September 1, 2010 – 07:34

Yo mama is so ugly, her incubator was tinted.

Yo mama is so ugly, puts face in cookie dough to make gorilla cookies.

yo mama is so fat, she mainlines porkchops.

Yo mama is so fat, she sweats BBQ sauce.

Yo mama is so fat, she don’t wear Daisey Dukes, she wears Boss Hoggs.

Yo mama is so fat, looks like she has a pack of hot dogs on her neck.

Yo mama is so cross eyed, when she cries, tears go down her back.

Yo mama is so stupid, it took her an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.

Yo mama is so ugly, she has to wear a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

yo mama is so cross eyed, she looks out the front door and sees the back yard.

Yo mama is so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

By Joker | Posted in Yo Mamma Jokes | Tagged ugly, yo mama | Comments (0)
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