Category Archives: Animal Jokes

Dogs and Light Bulbs

September 2, 2010 – 09:38

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the [...]

By Joker | Tagged dogs, light bulb | Comments (0)

The Feline Diet

August 23, 2010 – 08:35

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people — such as getting lots of table scraps — most [...]

By Joker | Tagged cat, diet, feline | Comments (0)

Feline Physics Laws

August 12, 2010 – 08:34

Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change [...]

By Joker | Tagged cat, feline, laws | Comments Off

Giving Cats Pills

August 2, 2010 – 08:31

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill [...]

By Joker | Tagged cat, pill | Comments Off

Sounds of the Wild

July 22, 2010 – 08:30

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her [...]

By Joker | Tagged cat, cow, daughter, frog, mother, sounds, wild | Comments Off

Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo

July 12, 2010 – 08:28

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino [...]

By Joker | Tagged alligator, bears, elephant, giraffe, hippo, lion, monkeys, rhino, tigers, zebra, zoo | Comments Off

Two angry neighbors

July 1, 2010 – 08:24

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. After about a year [...]

By Joker | Tagged cow, dog, elephant, neighbors | Comments Off

Cow on train tracks

June 21, 2010 – 09:08

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees [...]

By Joker | Tagged conductor, cow, track, train | Comments Off

Buy alligator shoes

June 10, 2010 – 08:07

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting “I don’t give two hoots for your shoes man, I’ll [...]

By Joker | Tagged alligator, shoes | Comments Off

Buy alligator shoes

May 31, 2010 – 07:35

By Joker | Tagged alligator, bayou, swallow | Comments Off

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Category Archives: Animal Jokes

Dogs and Light Bulbs

The Feline Diet

Feline Physics Laws

Giving Cats Pills

Sounds of the Wild

Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo

Two angry neighbors

Cow on train tracks

Buy alligator shoes

Buy alligator shoes

You might be a redneck if 51

What day is that day?

Stuttering Problem

Deep Thoughts 11

Very Weird People

Kissing the Stone

Question and answer jokes

Efficiency Expert

The Chinese Pay Off Their Debts

A list of redneck computer terms

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