A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5- story
hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are
without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it
works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor-by-floor, and once you
find what you [...]
Jake, Greg, and John all die and go to Heaven. When they get to
Heaven’s gates, St. Peter says that Heaven is the best place
ever and that they may stay there for eternity and be very happy
if the just follow the one and only rule: don’t step on a duck.
If you step on a duck, it [...]
Sorry but you seem to mistaking me for someone who is interested
in what you are saying.
Here’s some money (hand it to the jerk) go call somebody who
cares.
I’d sue my parents if I had a face like yours.
God do you need a special licence to be so ugly?
You smell of piss.
Did you style your hair like [...]
Your face looks like you’ve been using it as a doorstop.
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo.
If your face had “Welcome” written on it, it would make a perfect doormat.
If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in.
Your face [...]
When they were giving out heads, you thought they said beds, and you said “I’d like something soft”
When they were giving out brains, you thought they said grains, and you said “Make mine oatmeal”
When they were giving out noses, you thought they said roses, and you said “Give me a big red one”
When they were [...]
If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
You don’t have to say anything. You offend me just by being in the area.
I don’t take it personally. Every time you open your mouth you offend someone.
Well, you probably said it without thinking, the way you do most things.
Don’t worry about it. I’ve never [...]
You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade ?
I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the one who was feeding you peanuts.
I understand that’s Animal Magic is your favorite show because so many of your relatives are on it.
I know your trying to insult me, but I [...]
You are so poor . . .
When you were kicking a can, your friend came by and asked what you were doing. You said you were moving!
A woman who is tired of having a guy hit on her says, “Look … I’m sorry, but I’m just not your type. I’m not inflatable”
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