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Category Archives: Lawyer Jokes

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Does it hurt when you do this?

February 26, 2010 – 09:27

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, don’t do that.

By Joker | Tagged doctor, hurt, patient | Comments (0)

What is the oldest profession?

February 26, 2010 – 09:18

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”
The engineer replied, “But, before that, God [...]

By Joker | Tagged attorney, engineer, physician | Comments (0)

How’s business?

February 16, 2010 – 09:17

Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.
“How’s business?” asked the first.
“Rotten,” replied the other. “Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper.”

By Joker | Tagged ambulance, lawyers, party | Comments Off

Are you talking to me?

February 4, 2010 – 09:15

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” [...]

By Joker | Tagged judge, lawyer, witness | Comments Off

Lawyers on a flight

January 25, 2010 – 09:14

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still [...]

By Joker | Tagged airliner, emergency, lawyers, pilot | Comments Off

Free haircuts

January 1, 2010 – 09:10

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused [...]

By Joker | Tagged barber, haircuts, lawyer, policeman | Comments Off

Did you make a donation?

December 22, 2009 – 10:15

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn’t made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, “Why not call him up?”
He calls up the lawyer.
“Sir, according to our research you haven’t made a [...]

By Joker | Tagged donation, lawyer, volunteer worker | Comments Off

I just managed to settle an account!

December 10, 2009 – 10:05

A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”

By Joker | Tagged attorney, father | Comments Off

A love for material goods

November 30, 2009 – 09:45

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, “I love my BMW, I love my BMW.” Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. “My BMW! My BMW!” he sobbed.
A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, “Sir, [...]

By Joker | Tagged bmw, car crash, lawyer | Comments Off

Lawyer’s personal injury

November 18, 2009 – 09:50

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
“I’m an attorney,” the wincing man said, “and this is going to cost you $5000.”
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” the concerned golfer replied. “But I did yell [...]

By Joker | Tagged attorney, golfer | Comments Off
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